he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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