And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
