forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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