I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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