I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize