i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
