never play flip cup with pint glasses
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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