id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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