Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
