He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
