Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
