Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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