Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
