he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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