He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
