i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
