if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
