I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I'm too high and old for this...
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize