I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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