I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
