I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
