So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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