remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Just pee around me
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
