You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
