I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
