our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
