One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
