Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize
