Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
