if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
