Your face is a jimmy john
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
