i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Randomize
