did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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