call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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