She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
how do flat chested girls get laid?
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
