You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
