How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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