Sponge bath it is.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
