I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
