Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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