Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
