why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
