I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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