so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
