That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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