My Higher Power is John Stamos
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
