are you so shy because you have an std?
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
