Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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