Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I have grass duct taped all over my body
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
