he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
