I murdered the dance floor call the cops
the condom got lost in my hair
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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