I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
