My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
