She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
