you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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