I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
