3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Pappa wants mamma naked
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
