everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
