Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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