can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
