after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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