I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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