How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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