remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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