plz talk dirty to me
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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