I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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