I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
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