Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
