Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
