Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
