Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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