my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
